


The Way We Try

by TotallyHuman



Series: Show me where to put pressure (I'll make sure it's done right) [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And most importantly, Bottom Shiro (Voltron), D/s tones, Hints of bad sex practice, M/M, Mild Choke Kink, More relationship negotiation, Redemption, Relationship Negotiation, Rough Sex, The Tag, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:55:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7771039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotallyHuman/pseuds/TotallyHuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After once again colliding with Sendak, the now ex-Galra commander offers his allegiance to Voltron. In the wake of coming to a (semi) concensus about keeping him, Shiro has to have a talk with Sendak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is Where We Cross

**Author's Note:**

> While this can be read alone and one can probably catch on to what's between Shiro and Sendak, I recommend reading part one just cause 
> 
> The next chapter, which I plan to have done sometime this week, will be pretty much another pwp.
> 
> But also! This whole verse was thought up in (and any changes I make to it thus making it at least inspired by) Sra's fic "when you know he's a fuckboy but he gives you good dick" which is also the best title for anything ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter basically just the precursory chapter. I didn't want to just rush into the smut without addressing some of the things here and whatnot

“I think we need to do it.” Shiro says firmly, keeping a rigid posture and his voice more formal than ever. Both to not give away any sign of - of -

What? Shiro has always kept his evaluation of... the past, very clear cut within himself, there was the necessary detachment that’s persisted consistently even now. There’s no reason to worry anything should ‘slip up’ because Shiro has it squared away. And yet it gnaws anxiously at the back of Shiro’s mind.

It was not influencing his present decision, Shiro is absolutely sure of it.

“Shiro’s right, we need to let Sendak help us. It's the smartest move we can make at this point,” Keith insists crossly.

All of them: Allura, Coran, Hunk, Pidge, Lance, Keith, and Shiro (and even the mice) are gathered in the cafeteria of the castle. They sit tensely at a table with their food untouched as they discuss one very controversial topic: Sendak.

After the Galra crystal had infected the ship's systems and Shiro had wound up manically shooting Sendak’s pod from the ship, they had all assumed that would be the last they saw from Sendak. Either Sendak would die in the vacuum of space, at the Galra’s hands, or maybe lost on some random planet - whatever his fate would be, it was unlikely Sendak would ever make his way back to face them.

Some nights the thought of Shiro’s face-to-face showdown with Sendak on Arus kept him up. The scene didn’t echo through his thoughts with fear. No, it had been the plain fact that it was Shiro’s _highly_ personal past come back to haunt him. At the same time it had been destined that their intertwining, found in the violence of Galra society, would end in such a way - cemented the moment Shiro stole that ship and escaped. They hadn’t predicted how the exact details of that would happen, of course. But in that respect, when they wound up in their fight outside the castle - there was no intent to go softly in sympathy for their long buried stolen moments.

They had stumbled across Sendak purely by coincidence, when they had liberated a small Galra colony where the soldiers had run a gladiator ring of their own. Most of the soldiers had been watching the latest fight, so the pilots took out the watch guards around the town. The citizens had stayed quiet, understanding of what they were doing for them. The soldiers being entertained had been completely unprepared when they ambushed them. And fresh after the Galra forces had been subdued or chased off, Shiro and Pidge had found the combatants. There had been a still moment when Shiro and Sendak had made eye contact. Another when Shiro and Pidge were joined by the others and Sendak suddenly offered his full service to them. All of them not quite believing what Sendak had said.

And here they are now, debating whether or not to take Sendak’s offer while the ex-Galra commander waited in a room they cleared out.

Apparently, by Sendak’s account, a Galra cruiser had picked Sendak up. He had disgraced the Galra when he failed to complete the task of taking Voltron down for Zarkon. So Sendak had been sent to some random colony to fight to the death in a gladiator ring, stripped of the druid tech and given a simple blade.

So, Sendak, once a proud archetype Galra soldier, filled with spite for Zarkon’s name.

That’s what he claims. Hunk isn't wrong when he points out that Sendak could be lying.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea guys. I mean, we’re doing well enough on our own, right?” Hunk contests with a disconcerted expression.

Lance slams his fork down dramatically with a stubborn draw of his brows, “Exactly! I say we - “ Lance makes some sort of ‘pbbt’ sound and a weird gesture that Shiro assumes is a re-enactment of when he vacated Sendak’s pod, “shoot him into space again? He’s a Galra guy, remember? He and his weirdo lackey almost got me killed! I don’t see why we should even take the chance of him turning on us or something.”

“You don’t need to say ‘or something,’ Lance, everything that Sendak could do is summed up in ‘turning on us.’” Keith snaps back, his arms crossing over his chest as he and Lance stare each other down ferociously.

Allura looks over them, her expression both thoughtful and troubled before she turns to meet Shiro’s eyes. “I don’t know. I suppose there are tactical advantages but Lance and Hunk make some good points.”

Shiro sighs and focuses his line of sight somewhere else. “Listen, I know there’s risk here. I’m not saying we give him weapons and let him ride co-pilot in the lions. We keep him away from any lethal devices, restrict his access to crucial ship areas, and hold him back during any battles. We never obtained all of his memories, and I say we use what he’s offering. Sendak knows important Galra data, he’ll know their fighting strategies, any intricacies and details we may need to know, major work sites - ” Shiro explains, staring sternly at the table as he speaks. “I think that he could be an extremely useful resource.”

Thankfully, Pidge joins the conversation. “I agree. Hunk and I could work on making sensors for him that can act as a security system for him, too.” Hunk purses his lips but doesn’t argue that he couldn’t.

That suggestion seems to tilt the debate in Shiro’s favor. Lance murmurs a resigned and petulant, “I still don’t like it.”

“Alright, Shiro, let’s do this. But we’ll need to make sure he’s monitored, even when we’re not around.” Allura decided.

Shiro says, “Of course.” And Pidge nods confidently.

 

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

 

After dinner Shiro finds himself directly outside of Sendak’s designated holding room. Since they managed to agree to keep Sendak on, it was up to Shiro to tell Sendak about the decision.

Shiro would have volunteered to do it even if Sendak had been another, even if Sendak and himself never had any sort of intimate relationship. Shiro doesn’t need to justify it. He’s the leader, he fought to keep Sendak on, it’s his responsibility.

When Sendak’s door slides open, Sendak is sitting on the basic bed, which was stripped of pillows and blanketing. Which Shiro intends to return as a common curtesy.

Sendak looks much different here than when he had the luxury space as a Galra leader, no longer in armor but the barest rags. Without the daunting sight of Sendak’s druid arm and biotic eye, he’s less intimidating. Not that Shiro believes he isn’t dangerous. There’s no way that Sendak’s core skill lied in his biotic improvements, they simply intensified Sendak’s established abilities.

But at least with Sendak reduced as he is it would be much easier to take him in a one-on-one fight. Especially with Shiro’s arm.

“Peculiar, isn’t it?” Sendak asked lowly as Shiro entered the room. “The menial Galra Champion becoming a feared Voltron pilot.” Sendak’s statement was spoken like a joke and Shiro furrowed his eyebrows to steel himself against the comments, despite that fact that Sendak hadn’t led with anything derogatory about the relations.

“None of that matters anymore. _Especially_ if you’ve denounced Zarkon.” Shiro retorts in a collected tone. Sendak’s lips curl in a smile. “We’ve discussed your offer for assistance and have decided to let you remain aboard as an advisor, with probationary restrictions. And Sendak,” Shiro’s tone became icy, his voice bristling, “if you turn on us - if you attack anyone, I will _personally_ send you back into space, _without_ the pod to keep you alive until some Galra ship picks you up again.”

As Shiro expected, Sendak replies with bubbling laughter. “Ah, I have fallen somewhat, haven’t I?” It’s a rhetorical question that Shiro refuses to answer.

“Take this seriously, Sendak” Shiro asserts, clenching his fists tight at his side. “There are some of us who are still on the edge about keeping you here. My authority alone can only go so far, and depending on how you carry yourself - I may not try and stop any of them from overturning this arrangement.”

“Ah-hah, what a topic. ‘Arrangements.’” Sendak responds with. A cold feeling crawls up Shiro’s spine as he thinks about what Sendak is alluding to. Shiro holds his ground as Sendak takes a stand. “I’ll just assume that ‘your crew’ isn’t aware of our old trysts.”

Shiro stares up at Sendak through narrowed eyes. “And why should they? Like I said, none of that matters anymore. It barely did at the time we were… meeting. I’ve got Voltron and the others and Zarkon to worry about. Not just making sure I survive to put on another show and - “ Shiro doesn’t want to say it, so he sucks in a breath and closes his eyes for a second.

Sendak takes the pause as an opportunity to move closer. His yellow eye stares at Shiro so intensely that Shiro can practically feel the heat of the path that it burns over his features. The other eye, in lieu of the biotics that had been removed, is covered with a sort of eyepatch.

“I’m not recommending that you inform them.” Sendak said, seeming to pick up on Shiro’s doubt. “I merely mean to point out that you’ve kept it private.” Shiro’s eyebrows knit together at what Sendak could mean exactly, “It can _stay_ private.”

Ah.

Shiro immediately takes a step back. “Sendak,” Shiro says in a warning tone, “this is not like it used to be. _Do you understand that_? I have duties - to my crew, to -... _the universe_ -“ Shiro contests. These are different factors, a different setting, different ruling guidelines. And amongst all of that, the certain fact that _it was not healthy_. Whatever should happen, there would be no simple return to whatever they had before.

“Shiro,” Sendak spoke, “I can’t ever return to Zarkon’s forces. If I did, it would only mean death, a quick one if they’re feeling merciful. You see, I’m not ready to die. Not so… pitifully. And a death as some… outskirt world civilian would be just as undignified and shameful. You’re the strongest point of what little there is of the rebellion and while I still find most of this unfitting and immature and my lip still curls when I think about _Voltron_ \- it’s the only force that offers any retribution and revenge.” Sendak’s lips split into a wide and fierce grin. “So you see, as pretty and appealing as I naturally seem to find you - I promise I’m not here only for the prospect of ‘bedding you’ once again,” a brief, gravelly laugh escaped Sendak as Shiro worked out his words.

“It would also be a lie if I said it wasn’t a finer point of your _gracious_ allowance for me to be here, though.” Sendak said.

This was not what Shiro wanted to pursue him, even if it was only in Sendak’s mind. Shiro knew that it wasn’t the _worst_ sort of thing that could be in a person’s past, or even that should be stuck in the forefront of his insecurities. But he wanted to be _so_ **_good_**. He wanted to be the type of person that people could know about and associate protection and justice and _integrity_.

Was there any world where Shiro could have - whatever desire plagued Sendak’s name for him, and those titles? Shiro didn’t know.

“Regardless, I have to put the others’ safety above anything. We’ve only just come to the agreement, so anything - _like that_ , would be careless and unwise. You have yet to earn any trust, or prove yourself in any way to the cause. It’s not… okay.” Shiro finishes, letting his eyes flicker away momentarily as he thinks about ‘okay.’

To Shiro’s surprise, it was Sendak who dropped his hand rather than Shiro being the one to step away.

For some peculiar reason Shiro feels like his conscience is painted across his face for Sendak to view. “Understood,” Sendak replies, more of a surprise than Shiro would have thought, “Like I said, I’ve more than one petty motivation to be here. I had thought this was more simple for you,” Sendak says before adding, “and I don’t mind waiting until it is.” Sendak then proceeds to step back, turning and taking a seat on his bed.

The two of them exchanged a long stare before Shiro nods and Sendak sprawls out on the bed as he takes his exit. The words filled Shiro with a suspicious, reluctant sense of comfort. Sendak pipes up abruptly, “I meant it all that time ago when I said that I had grown accustomed to you specifically, Shiro.”

The words make the hair on the back of Shiro’s neck stand up.  
All in all, the conversation could have gone worse. And at least Shiro has more to ponder about the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the verse that I'm going to use through the rest of this series, fyi


	2. The Difference In Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the fic tags so read those
> 
> Honestly? The sex in this one ran (aggressively) away from me. I've already got an idea of what I want the next installment for this series to be.
> 
> Enjoy ~

It just so happens that the confirmation the crew needed for Sendak’s newfound pledge to Voltron would come two weeks later.

Sendak had been offering minimal advice when he was allowed to bring input to the table, nothing extreme. But one morning, Sendak was eating with the others (somewhat tensely) when Hunk spoke of their location and some nearby allegedly empty planet where they could practice offensive strategies with the lions. Sendak interjected coolly that the planet was actually a manufacturing colony that the Galra had been keeping quiet for some time. It was one of their best weapons and fleet ship producers.

Of course, upon divulging the information Keith had demanded Sendak and the others follow him to gather Allura and Shiro so they could start planning.

Sendak took their surface scan and created a surprisingly detailed map of where all the key points of the underground facility should be, and explained the defensive and offensive protocols that the Galra would likely take. When the team went in, Sendak gave continued guiding commentary with Allura from the castle while Shiro and the team went into battle.

It had been nearly their most successful liberation to date.

When they had all been regrouping at the castle, even Lance had given Sendak something of a reluctantly appraising look, Keith had mumbled something about knowing he’d been right but didn’t quite credit Sendak, Hunk actually shook Sendak’s hand, and Pidge had questioned Sendak on the restrictive cuffs adorning his wrists like stylish bracelets. And on Sendak’s replacement cybernetic arm that she and Hunk had scraped together from the leftover stuff in the castle’s storage. Which, after Coran did some polishing up (both literal and not) it was quite the impressive replacement limb. In the minimal sense, the arm was a just basic robotic one with no special enhancements.

Shiro had exchanged something of a more confident look with Sendak before heading to his room to strip off his armor and unwind from the pleasantly successful mission.

And finally, Shiro let his mind wander to Sendak. Not that Shiro hadn’t spent the past to week heavily assessing their terms, what they have, and even the past that had been weighing on him so heavily. Shiro had come to the conclusion that it had not, in fact, been totally squared away after all. It couldn’t have been, right? For how it affected him.

But that aside, Shiro let his mind wander to Sendak differently this time. Shiro had been determined in not thinking of Sendak in a… less formal manner.

It was far too easy for Shiro to fall down that slope as soon as he let himself slip though, lying on his back on his mattress and remembering crystal clear the feel of Sendak’s clawed fingers skirting across his skin, his canines dragging over his jaw and biting down on Shiro’s lower lip, the way Sendak burns hot and how that warmth feels against Shiro’s bare skin.

Shiro can feel the spike of pressure in his body at the hint of arousal seeping into his veins. God, how long has it been?

Shiro replays the way Sendak assisted over the communicators and the way Hunk and Lance have started to come around to the possibility of Sendak’s real sincerity in helping them. It flags the bud of arousal in Shiro by changing the course of his thoughts while simultaneously helping Shiro feel even happier. So much had been achieved tonight.

It was inevitable since they returned from the mission that Shiro would find himself at Sendak’s door, he sensed. Shiro found himself oddly at peace with that.

This time Shiro hadn’t had to argue relentlessly with a disgusted wave of guilt. It’s refreshing - if Shiro’s being honest. It was good that he had decided to wait.

Maybe it was needing a more concrete belief in Sendak’s renunciation of Zarkon, or maybe it was wanting to see the others gain something of approval; that way Shiro could feel confident that they weren’t seeing Sendak as the lethal, Galra-pledged commander he had turned his back on. Like there was a little more of a safety net if their arrangement was to be exposed. He’d needed some positive reinforcement to accompany Sendak’s name after all this time. After all that’s changed.

The door slid open as Shiro approaches. Sendak’s door doesn’t have a privacy lock like the rest of theirs. Sendak had done his fair share of help tonight but it would still take more for him to have complete sanctity and trust within the castle, so small precautions are still being taken. Shiro isn’t so certain if _that_ can ever quite happen, but they had bigger things looming in their future anyways.

“Good job today, Sendak.” Shiro opens with as he steps inside. He had changed before heading to Sendak’s, now wearing his more casual clothes - although Shiro’s were different from the others’ more loose civ outfits.

Sendak is prone across the floor, doing push ups with only his robotic arm. Shiro assumes it’s to test its quality. As Shiro entered Sendak halted the exercise to glance in his direction with a _hmph_ . “I know. It’s about time you humans actually let me inform you _and_ listened.” It’s always obvious how unused to being a subordinate role Sendak is when he talks about plans. The other’s have pointed it out - Lance in a more derogatory fashion than necessary . But Sendak’s right, the other’s haven’t really attempted to take much of Sendak’s commentary to heart. But they hadn’t had a real chance to put any of it to use on a meaningful scale, even if just in the liberation of one facility, before the mission. “Hopefully they’ll start to comprehend that I actually am superior now,” Sendak states as he pushes himself up off the floor to a standing position. Shiro raises a chastising eyebrow at him. “Superior in terms of the impact my advise will have on your skirmishes. Even your princess doesn’t have the advantages I give you.”

Shiro supposes that’s about as good as rectification will get from Sendak. “I’m sure you’ve managed to get a bit closer to their good graces, at the very least.”

There’s a brief pause that interludes then, with only the two of them staring each other down. Shiro decides to simply come out with it: “If you start to demean me in front of the others after this, I won’t forgive you.” Shiro says.

Sendak narrows his eye at Shiro, a flicker of understanding flaring in his iris the second before Shiro moves abruptly and shoves one arm against Sendak’s chest to push him against the wall. It’s by no means forcefully aggressive, just - determined.

Shiro wastes no time raising himself up to meet Sendak’s lips in a kiss that’s horribly overdue. It feels utterly _raw_ in an unreal way. Shiro tastes Sendak with so much familiarity and pent up longing; and it’s intimidating to see that reflected in the way Sendak reciprocates without hesitation. Shiro has to press one hand against the wall behind Sendak in a fist to hold strong; their mouths move against one another, teeth dragging and biting lower lips, and tongues rekindling. Their bodies press to one another with an intense, virile fervor.

God, it felt so amazing to be act this way with someone - with Sendak.

Shiro’s initiation gets flipped as Sendak suddenly takes Shiro by the hip and reverses their position with an indignant ease. Shiro is too caught off guard to do anything but stare with wondering confusion up at Sendak, who pulls his head back from Shiro - his lips pressed into a taut line. “Didn’t think to ask, hm?” Sendak rumbles.

Shiro accommodates Sendak and tilts his head to make sure their line of sight was matched before asking sternly, “Sendak, do you - “

In one swift action, both of Shiro’s hands are pinned to the wall above his head. Completely caught off guard, Shiro only blinks at Sendak, whose meticulously controlled expression has transformed a smirk of sharp teeth and curled lips. “Of course I do. I’m just surprised you’ve let yourself crawl back, Shiro. All while looking pretty… all draped in leadership.” Sendak uses his metal hand to hold both Shiro’s wrists up while the other runs down his side. The grip isn’t too hard; Sendak’s holding tight but Shiro could still break free in one twist with with minimal effort. “But I have to say - “ Sendak states, leaning down to nuzzle the side of Shiro’s face “it looks better beneath me.”

Shiro exhales shakily. It seems as though Shiro’s been holding his breath forever. Or, at the very least, far too long.

Shiro rolls his hips outward and Sendak meets him in the middle - their bodies moving in tandem to rut against one another as Sendak raises his head to lock lips with Shiro once more.

The moment is perfect until it’s not enough, and by that point Sendak is as impatient. Sendak’s free hand is unzipping the top of Shiro’s suit and exposing his heated skin to the air. He has to break away from their kiss to breathe and Sendak takes Shiro’s distracted mind to manhandle him; releasing his wrists and turning Shiro around and pushing him up against the wall. God, has Shiro been aching for this kind of touch. Have they really done any foreplay? Shiro doesn’t think so, but already he’s hard and his whole body is racked with waves of tremors continually. Months stacked upon months of nothing like this has made Shiro’s sensitivity devolve, he feels like a teenager.

Sendak leans down to drag his teeth over Shiro’s shoulder and laughs, dreadfully taking notice of Shiro’s state, “Overwhelmed already, are we?” he hums deeply, and Shiro can feel the vibrations of Sendak’s voice against his shoulder. He doesn’t reply, only breathes and presses his face to the metal wall to try and center his thoughts. “I’m surprised you haven’t found another for your itch. The big one and the angry one seem especially taken with you, you could easily have them assist you at a whim.” Shiro wants to tell Sendak to _shut up_ and continue, but the words get stuck in his throat as Sendak’s metal hand slides around to Shiro’s front, skirting over his abdomen and down his pelvis -

“But I bet you know that,” Sendak prods, always the intuitive sort. Shiro gasps in response to Sendak gently palming his already erect cock through the material of his suit and nods his head to answer Sendak’s assumption.

“Thought about it - “ Shiro huffs, his cheeks burning, “wasn’t sure if - “ Shiro presses his hips into Sendak’s palm for more friction but instead of obliging Sendak retracts the limb entirely, to Shiro’s dismay. He mirrors his other hand by moving beneath the fabric of Shiro’s suit and peeling it back to unclothe him.

“If they could satisfy you like I could, Shiro?” Sendak finishes for Shiro. The question jars Shiro’s entire thought process as he adjusts to allow Sendak to strip down his suit, pooling it at Shiro’s feet. Sendak speaks through the secondary pause he takes to remove his own clothes as well. “I bet I can get even more specific, hm?” Sendak challenges as if Shiro will fight him on it. Which he isn’t - can’t. Shiro remembers again to _breathe_. Breathe. The air leaves much of Shiro’s skin as gooseflesh and he shivers at the sensation before Sendak’s heat presses to his back to cure the cold. “Did you think about it and immediately reject it because it wasn’t me?” Sendak asks. One of his hands roam up Shiro’s back, following the curve of his spine. There is a god, Shiro thinks, when he feels the wet slide of Sendak’s arousal against his ass. Shiro doesn’t tense away, his breath hitches at the slickness smearing across his skin, but moves back into it without shame instead - one of his hands moving to his own cock as well with slow, appreciative strokes. Even this activity is one that Shiro had seldom allowed himself after all this time, afraid of what might occupy his thoughts at the height of arousal. “Or did you imagine it, only to worry that they wouldn’t be able to get you off anyways? Did you consider that you, maybe, couldn’t ever find someone as thoroughly satisfying regardless of how hard you tried?”

At the second suggestion Shiro exhales a moaning sigh, pressing his free hand in a fist against the wall and resting his head against his forearm instead. “ _Sendak_ \- “ Shiro says in a gravelly, urgent voice.

With Sendak’s lubricant lathering Shiro’s entrance, he prods two fingers against it for a few moments - allowing Shiro to steel himself - before letting them intrude Shiro’s body. Shiro releases a gasping wince; this time not able to help the small recoil his body makes to Sendak’s trespassing. But Shiro works to relax himself and Sendak uses his other hand to steady Shiro’s hip and bring it back.

The first thrust of Sendak’s fingers makes Shiro’s cock twitch. They move without hesitation, pulling out and each time pushing further in while Shiro’s grits his teeth at the bittersweet feel of the digits inside of him. At the same time that his body has been out of practice for so long, Shiro still feels the lingering familiarity inside him - pushing to recollect and adjust accordingly to what Sendak gives him. And Shiro wants it - he wants Sendak’s force, his open willingness to give Shiro too much, just as he likes with brutal words but no judgement. But at the same time Shiro doesn’t want to feel captive to it like he used to be as a gladiator - which is a big part of what Shiro had needed to figure out about their arrangement and had felt like a wave of relief to come to a conclusion about. Sure, Sendak had never been disgustingly careless about Shiro - but there had been precarious moments.

But, _God_ \- right now Shiro can’t even begin to remember the importance of the conclusion, let alone _articulate_ it. Next time.

Shiro barely stifles a whine as Sendak scissors his fingers inside of him, spreading Shiro open and inserting a third finger. The stretch was trying, but just off memory and common sense alone Shiro knows that Sendak is bigger than those three digits. It made a shiver creep through Shiro, who pushed back against Sendak.

Sendak must have enjoyed seeing it because he groans out an oddly grateful noise behind Shiro.

A minute later and Sendak seems to think Shiro’s prepped enough. The three fingers slip out of Shiro, and he sputters a breath at the loss before catching himself again as Sendak presses his ever lubricated erection into the cleft of his ass. First, Sendak simply slides the erection against Shiro, who clenches around nothing at the tease and _growls_ Sendak’s name in warning. It was unbecoming but Shiro _needs_ this.

Sendak shushes Shiro in turn and spouts a short line of deep laughter as he lines himself up with Shiro’s entrance.

Quickly, Shiro raises his head and bites down on the back of his thumb to keep some semblance of a grip on himself; because in the next moment Sendak is breaching Shiro. It takes his breath away - forces it to a stop completely as Shiro squeezes his eyes shut and tries to stay relaxed. 

Only a faint sound of distress escapes Shiro, winded and wanting. No one else could do this for Shiro - he’s absolutely sure of that. Sendak is right.

It just keeps coming. Sendak’s cock seems to be endlessly long and growing in width as Sendak slowly tries to bury himself to the hilt inside Shiro’s body. Maybe Shiro had just forgotten how _impossible_ it felt. His mind could barely process it.

“There we are,” Sendak rumbles, bent over Shiro. Sendak’s metal hand is braced against the wall just above and to the side of Shiro’s head, and his other clasps around Shiro’s neck in a loose, unobstructive choke, running up the length of Shiro’s throat until his thumb is caressing Shiro’s jawline. “Opening up so sweetly. Muscle memory _is_ a wonder.” Sendak thrills with a heavy exhale that Shiro can feel against the side of his neck and shoulder. Shiro's expression contorts as Sendak rocks his hips with mild zeal. “Breathe, Shiro. Now.” Sendak commands in soft but flat tone. Shiro does; he gasps and drags in a lungful of air and feels his whole body shake because Sendak is fully sheathed inside of him again. Finally. And it feels so good; and it hurts in all the ways that Shiro needs it to.

“What do you think?” Sendak asks.

The question had no traction in Shiro’s mind, which felt like a pile of rubble. It’s still trying to comprehend Sendak’s size, and Shiro’s tone is nearly dazed as he replies: “ _Please move_.” It’s little more than a whisper uttered pathetically by Shiro, but potent enough to make Sendak comply.

Sendak grinds his hips into Shiro, dropping his hand from Shiro’s neck so both can hold him by the waist. It’s as if Sendak trying to drive himself inconceivably deeper.

Shiro takes the hand he had forgotten to keep biting down on and reaches behind himself to grapple at Sendak’s waist. It’s with the intent of trying to get Sendak into an actual pattern of fucking but instead Sendak takes Shiro’s hand by the wrist and twists it, pinning it to the small of Shiro’s back with a hiss. But Shiro can’t focus on the uncomfortability of the hold as Sendak suddenly bucks his hips into Shiro, first pulling almost all the way out of Shiro and thrusting back in rapidly. Not at top speed - not so early - but enough to have Shiro keening and digging his teeth into his lower lip hard enough to draw blood.

It’s almost awkward only being able to hold one arm against the wall, but Sendak’s grip on Shiro’s other arm is so stable (even if it’s stressing a cramp in the limb) and unwavering as Sendak starts a steady, powerful pace of fucking Shiro that he can’t even be bothered to twist it out of the grip.

Each punctuating slam of Sendak’s cock inside of Shiro is met with a murmured and keen exclamation that seems to gratify Sendak, encouraging him onwards continually. Groans roll off Sendak’s lips similarly so, and Sendak loses himself in the rhythm - occasionally murmuring about the way Shiro looks, the strain of his muscles, and the noises he makes. The liberal appraising doesn’t cease and only serves to make Shiro feel endlessly more flushed. For some reason a desire to refute the compliments manages to pierce through the thick fog inside Shiro’s head, making Shiro’s expression crinkle with vacillation.

“ _Ah_ , _what_ \- _you_ … _do_ \- to me,” Sendak speaks, mouth aligned with Shiro’s ear. His tone is as debauched as Shiro feels, and only makes Shiro feel more hot - making his arousal bound higher and higher. He can’t remember a time back with the Galra when Sendak sounded so… defeated? Beat and burned up by the fire between them in the same way that Shiro always felt scorched by it. Shiro makes an embarrassingly high-pitched noise. Abruptly, Sendak picks up the force of movements, determined and infuriated, like he was trying to shatter a glass bauble inside Shiro that was just outside his reach.

“ _Ughn_ \- ! Hah - !” the noises flooding from Shiro are never ending, mixed with raunchy and ruined prayers of Sendak’s name.

“Tell me,” Sendak snarls against Shiro. He can feel Sendak’s nails clawing into the skin of his side, “Tell me how you _need_ me, Shiro. Admit how _I’m_ the only one who can satisfy you like this. The only one who _ever_ can.” Sendak’s demands are so overtly possessive that Shiro can’t make heads or tails of the development. Not with the way the tone prickles down Shiro’s spine and through his nervous system, and the way Sendak suddenly angles his hips _just so_ and his cock hits and slides torturously against Shiro’s prostate - which, reduces Shiro to an absolute disaster of acquiescence.

“Nnh - Y-yeah,” Shiro huffs, trying desperately to scramble for words as a bead of sweat rolls down the side of his face. It’s made even more difficult by the way Sendak refuses to assuage his pace so Shiro can think. “The only one - you’re the only one, Sendak. _Ah-hnn_ \- ! Hah, fuck, _Sendak_. God,” He pauses to let a wail drool from his lips, “I need you. N-need - _please_ \- “

With that, Sendak releases Shiro’s arm, which buzzes with a mild degree of numbness that Shiro couldn’t care less about because _fuck_ \- Sendak goes into some manically dominating, beastly state. He shoves Shiro closer to the wall with the force of his thrusts, almost flush against it except for the small degree of separation created by the way both Sendak’s arms wrap around Shiro in a cradling way that would almost be sweet. That is - if it weren’t for the way Sendak buries his face in Shiro’s shoulder and fucks him animalistically. Unlike anything before and beyond anything Shiro had ever pictured. It pushes Shiro’s hips up against the frigid wall, one of his legs winds up supported by Sendak’s, the other barely touching the floor by the tips of Shiro’s toes. And Shiro only braces himself and takes it, not quite certain he would have another choice even if he wanted one. His Galra arm has a grip on the fur of the side of Sendak’s neck as a cry after cry crashes out of Shiro whenever he could even catch a breath to wail in.

Shiro can’t think about anything except the painful pleasure of it, searing and violently vibrant behind his eyelids. Sendak just seems to snarl and growl, digging his teeth into the crook of Shiro’s shoulder until Shiro can feel the pain of Sendak breaking the skin and drawing blood.

Like this, Shiro can’t even attempt to meet Sendak’s wild, erratic and relentless humping - he has no purchase, control, or sway.

 _It feels like before_ , a cracked voice whispers in the back of Shiro’s mind. But in the moment Shiro can’t care. God, he’s crying again, his head rolling back against Sendak with a futile, destroyed noise and - and -

And he’s coming untouched against the wall and his own stomach, his whole body seizes up around Sendak - who releases an unnervingly aggressive sound that Shiro’s mind captures for future reference.

This is the apparent sinking point for Sendak, since he’s already gone off the edge of the cliff. He gives several vicious pumps of his hips as Shiro begins to feel over sensitive and comes inside of Shiro. Shiro’s mouth hangs open as he tries to cope with the sensation of being filled and overfilled. It’s too much, it feels weird and hot like he remembers. Sendak rides out his orgasm while buried to the base inside of Shiro, who’s a wreckage of whimpers.

He doesn’t even have to wait until tomorrow - Shiro’s body aches _now._  He’s not sure he can walk and his mind is so far out in space (further out than it is already) that he can’t even imagine trying either.

The only thing that Shiro registers is the way Sendak keeps Shiro in the embrace even after he has no more come to soil Shiro’s body with, holding Shiro up against the wall still and having almost as much difficult as himself settling his shallow breathing. But after a minute, always recoiling faster than Shiro, Sendak’s hold tightens in a supportive way as he pulls Shiro away from the wall. The action is dizzying but doesn’t last long before Shiro feels the softness of Sendak’s bed beneath him. He tries and fails to stifle a discomforted mewl when Sendak finally pulls out, but afterwards Shiro thinks only to try and get as homey as possible on the bed - his body demanding it, even if the filthy feeling of his lower region is distracting.

A rag swipes over Shiro’s bare stomach without warning to clean the mess Shiro had made on himself. Shiro opens his eyes to see Sendak with one knee on the edge of the bed, his eyes as unreadable to Shiro as his miraculously blank expression - aside from the natural downward curve of Sendak’s lips.

“Turn over,” Sendak tells Shiro and he follows the command by rolling over onto his stomach. One of Sendak’s hands spreads Shiro open again and the wet cloth immediately washes coldly over Shiro’s entrance, which is sensitive and raw. But Shiro sinks back into the way Sendak cleans him. The care of it is a wild contrast to the way Sendak had been fucking him a minute ago, and Shiro enjoys it just as much.

 

\----------

 

When Shiro wakes up an unknowable amount of time later, he’s still in Sendak’s bed, closest to the edge with the warmth of Sendak to his right.

It’s startling. At first Shiro pictures, or perhaps expected, a luxurious room bathed in purple. He props himself up on one hand at lightning speed before he realizes that he isn’t with the Galra. He’s in the Castle of Lions and it’s safe and he had been -

 _Oh_ , right.

Pushing one hand through his hair, Shiro turns his head to peer at Sendak. It’s a bizarre picture. But there have been few times that life hasn’t been bizarre for Shiro so he adjusts quickly, swallowing the lump in his throat as Sendak’s eye opens as well and a hum vibrates from his pressed lips. “You haven’t been asleep long.”

Shiro nods and looks away, for some reason unable to speak. Mixed emotions sit in the pit of his stomach.

The important thought is resurfacing in Shiro’s mind, which is fortunately not being fucked into oblivion so harshly that Shiro can’t even voice it. But it still takes several long moments for Shiro to piece it together in his head.

Finally, Shiro turns his head back to Sendak and simply goes, as always, for a more straightforward communication. “This needs to change.” He says.

Sendak gives a blaise look and murmurs a, “ _Hm_? Does that mean you’re calling this off?” He speaks slowly, the same way a cat’s purr drawls when they’re relaxed, “You really should make up your mind, Shiro.”

Shiro sighs and shakes his head, “ _No_ , Sendak. I mean that the way we do this needs to change.” Shiro reiterates, apparently rousing Sendak to real attention as Sendak actually holds Shiro’s gaze narrowly. Shiro isn’t deterred, “It needs to be different than it was when - when we were both different people. Beings. You _can’t_ just do that - what you did - with no warning, no _care_ \- “

‘“No care,” Sendak repeats lowly, almost suspiciously. It manages to only strengthen Shiro’s resolve now.

“Exactly. We need precaution, safe words, all of it. Do you understand that?” Shiro questioned. He remembered earlier when Sendak had falsely joked about his own consent.

Sendak raised himself on one elbow. “I’m not _addled_ , hu - Shiro. ‘Do I understand,’” Sendak scoffed, but didn’t elaborate a proper reply to what Shiro’s asking of him. “As for my little… falter in control, I would have stopped if you’d wanted me to.”

“Would you have?” Shiro snaps back, not so much snippishly as with a plain bluntnesses that communicates the severity of the question just as well, “Because it didn’t seem like you were all there.” His shoulder aches and Shiro’s smooths one hand over the area where Sendak had bitten into him, which Sendak’s eyes flicker acknowledgingly to. Sendak’s expression shifts as though he had just tasted something bitter. Good, this is serious, Shiro needs Sendak to take it seriously.

“It’s a ‘what if’ for now, but it might not always be, Sendak. Not for me and not for you." Shiro states flatly. “There needs to be more give and take, more awareness.”

Sendak seems to ponder Shiro’s statement for a couple silent minutes. In this pause Shiro comes to a realization. His hand twitches for a moment, the urge to reach out to Sendak filling him before he recalls the action and settles instead on words. “I didn’t mean that you’re thoughtless. Whatever that was - it was an anomaly, I know. It’s just - we need to reconfigure how he handle this.” Shiro can see Sendak’s jaw clenching and unclenching as he thinks.

  
“Fine,” Sendak finally replies. “Next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I beta'd it myself, so if there were any mistakes I'm terribly sorry but I tried to be thorough - I've been writing this all week. 
> 
> But also! While I do have another installment in mind, I'm totally open to any ideas or scenarios you guys would like to see and would enjoy for me to write for Shiro/Sendak etc in this verse. Whether it's porny or plotty or both, I'm open for any requests. Not that I can give a concrete posting date for them hahah


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